Category Archives: Walks Into a Bar Jokes

I Needed A Laugh

Okay, so this isn’t a food-related post, but I needed a bit of humor in my life.  For your reading pleasure, here are a few walks into a bar jokes…

In  honor of my trip to Kentucky’s Bourbon Trail:

A wild turkey walks into a bar.  The bartender asks, “What are you supposed to be?”
The turkey replies, “I am a wild turkey.”
“Oh wow, we have a drink named after you,” says the bartender.
“You have a drink named Kevin?!” the wild turkey asks.

For my geeky readers:

Helium walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.”
Helium doesn’t react.

For those of you who watch “The Daily Show:”

#23 from the Dyslexic’s Jook of Bokes begins: Former Representative Bar walks into a weiner…

Any naughty history fans out there?

A man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat, and a fake beard.  He sits at the bar and orders a drink.  As the bartender sets it down, he asks, “Going to a party?”
“Yeah, a costume party,” the man replies.  “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.”
“Hmmm…you look like Abe Lincoln,” says the bartender.
The man says, “That’s right.  My last four scores were seven years ago.”

And, because True Blood may have jumped the shark…

Three vampires walk into a bar.  The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
The third vampire says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says,”So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”

 

Yeah, yeah…I know.  I’m lame.

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Make ‘Em Laugh

I need a laugh today, and I thought you might, too.  So, I dug deep in the vault for some classic “walk into a bar” jokes.  Don’t worry, they are pretty family-friendly.  Enjoy.

I heard this one from the iconic Willie Nelson…

A duck walked into a bar, jumps up on a stool and asked the bartender “You got any grapes?”


The bartender said, “no,” and the duck left.  The next day, the duck returned and asked the bartender once again, “You got any grapes?”


The bartender said, “NO GRAPES.”


The duck left.  The next day, the duck came into the bar and asked the bartender, “You got any grapes?”


“NO.  I don’t have any grapes.  I didn’t have any grapes yesterday, I don’t have any today, and I won’t have any grapes tomorrow!  If you ask me again I’ll nail your damn feet to the bar!!”


The duck left.  He came back into the bar again the next day, jumped up on the bar, and asked, “You got any nails?”  The bartender said, “no.”  The duck said, “You got any grapes?”

Hee.

A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog.  When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.


The bartender speaks up and says, “Hey, what the hell are you doing?”


The blind man says, “Just taking a look around.”

Here’s another…

A bear walks into a bar.  He goes up to the bartender and says, “Can I have a large Gin and………………………………………..Tonic, please?”


The bartender replies, “Yeah, sure, but what’s with the big pause?”


The bear holds up his paws and says, “I’m a bear!”

Happy Friday.

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